An Open Letter from a Retail Slave

[ink_n_imp]

Dear Target Guest;

Thank you today for the glorious laugh I had at your expense today. Imagine my joy to discover--hidden cleverly behind the Waverly brand towels--the opened and very empty DVD case for Happy Feet. A plethora of possibilities danced before my eyes in that moment, where I tried to discern what POSSIBLE reason you would have for STEALING Happy Feet. Was it some sort of hazing ritual, where you had to steal a movie? Were you just too embarrassed to buy it yourself? Is your love for movies about Happy Penguins the Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name, and therefore your hand was forced? Are you watching it at home now, the guilt and the pleasure only heightening your senses as you watch the penguins dance?

The mind; she BOGGLES.

Cordially yours,

Nella the Red Shirt

Comments

[hiroyuki-samson.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just... wow...

I hope that whoever bought it is shocked and destroyed mentally by the eco-message at the end.

[muneybags6.livejournal.com]

Awesome. My favorite part is that he smuggled it all the way to the towels and committed the crime, most likely unwrapping his stolen treasure amidst the terrycloth for cover.

[ink-n-imp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can just see the scene unfolding before my mind's eye. He (because it MUST be a he, or it just wouldn't be as glorious) glances over his shoulder. He peers around the aisle...the coast is clear. He doesn't have much time. There could be a Target employee nearby, innocently folding towels. He turns his back to the main aisle so that no one can see, and tries to rip open the plastic. He curses under his breath, his nails aren't long enough. With trembling hands he raises the DVD to his lips, and bits the plastic, ripping it with his teeth. The plastic falls away. He opens the case, and marvels at what lies before him.

Happy Feet.

He caresses the DVD's circular edge, savoring this moment. But not for long! Gathering his resolve, he takes the DVD from its case, and shoves the case behind the tan colored Waverly towels. He tucks the DVD reverently between his underwear and his pants, and proceeds to the exit.

...He buys a pack of gum on the way out, in his guilt.

[muneybags6.livejournal.com]

hehehe, knocks a towel down while he's stashing the case, bends down to pick it up, the DVD falls out of his pants onto the floor, he grabs the DVD just as it starts rolling away and dashes away in case someone heard, slipping slightly on the towel in his haste...

[kathynancygirl.livejournal.com]

At least it wasn't someone padding their bra with underwear...I walked into someone doing that...

[jack-post-jill.livejournal.com]

AHHHHHH! YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ANTONELLA!?

CONNECTIONS! (aren't they funny?)

[kathynancygirl.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am...and in fact the day that I ran into you in the subway stations I was coming from a party where she was...

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

*cracks up*

*boggles with you*