So, there I'm sitting, watching "Clash of the Titans", reliving my childhood (...and onward) infatuation with Greek mythology and stop motion animation, and wondering why Perseus' crazy yet awesome playwright/poet sick kick/mentor sounds SO FAMILIAR--




Thank you IMDB. GOD I loved this movie as a child. Rewatching it tonight, I am honestly burning with curiousity about how the remake will be. I suspect they will get rid of everything I like in favor of a inundating it with a "BOO DESTINY BOO GODS THEY IS PETTY AND CRUEL SO LET'S TAKE DEM DOWN!" message.

As I hear, they got rid of Bubos the MECHANICAL OWL OF AMAZINGNESS. If they did, then I donno man...I don't think the hotness of Sam Wothington and all the crackified glory that I imagine Neeson!Zeus will be can make up for such a GRIEVOUS WRONG. Let's just say if I were Zeus and this Bubos-less movie was King Acrisius of Argos who condemned his daughter Danae and grandson Perseus to death by sea, HIS ASS AND HIS CITY-STATE WOULD BE TOAST UNDER MY WRATH. JUST. SAYING.

EDIT: Ok, just read the synopsis for the remake. Hades is the bad guy ya'll. Again. Seriously, what is the God of the Underworld ever do to you!?! He was like, the chillest of the Gods! He really was the least douchey! He only ever kidnapped one goddess! There a decided lack of human female rape in his back story! He only fucks with you if you invade his Underworld, and then you have it coming! For realz, I'd rather hang with Hades any day than any of the other go--ok, Ok, I'd want to hang with Hermes too. But definitely Hades. Hades rocks.


I'm going to curl back up with my 1981 version. GRRH.
I saw Alice in Wonderland last night, and decided to sleep on it before I attempted to put my thoughts on the matter into words. This probably explains why I had a truly epic dream about a banished prince and his sorceress-knight and their adventures against sea monsters and an enchanted forest—

But I digress.

Down that old rabbit hole then... )

On the whole, I saw it. You'll want to see it too. I just hope you come out feeling more satisfied with it than I did.

Also, it is now my head canon that Alice was directly responsible for the Boxer Rebellion. THAT’S MY STORY AND I’M STICKING BY IT.
ink_n_imp: (Smug bastard)
Saw Sherlock Holmes Christmas Eve at midnight—you know you're far too invested in a series when you skip Midnight Mass for it.

I do consider myself a Sherlockian. Four years ago the amount of detail I could quote to you about each of the tales, of the "world" of Victorian England, and of the characters' respective backgrounds would probably make you smile, nod, and back away slowly. I could argue how many wives Watson had (I throw down for 3), where his bullet wound was (I say he was kneeling down, and the bullet passed throw his shoulder, hitting him in the leg. THERE. PROBLEM OF CONTINUITY SOLVED.) I am a bit rusty now, but I can still hold my own in "The Game".

However, I've ALWAYS been one for the crackier aspects of Sherlock Holmes canon; like, Rex Stout's 1941 speech upon how Watson, was in fact, a woman, or how Sherlock Holmes was in actuality, a Vulcan ancestor of Mr. Spock, or just the simple notion that Watson DOESN'T HAVE TO BE CONSIDERED A RELIABLE NARRATOR.


If you are a tried-and-true purist for the Canon, go back to your sitting room, curl up with your pipe and tantalus and pretend like this movie doesn't exist, because you will HATE IT. You will hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand fistfights at Reichenbach Falls.

If, however, you are like me—who love a good, energetic retelling by people who OBVIOUSLY know their canon well and yet want to gleefully play with it, muss up it's perfectly parted and slicked down hair and blow some shit up in the process--

Well, then, what's stopping you?

I think my years of being corrupted by fandom, there's a lot I've learned to forgive by way of characterization, as long as you make me fall in love with the characters and the setting. People claim RDJ's Holmes is NOT Holmes. But the more I think upon it, the more I think "Wait, wait; he is—in a fashion".

Thoughts on RDJ's Holmes… )

The movie isn't perfect by any means—far too long, for one; it could have been compressed a bit. But the creation of Victorian London was to die for. I enjoyed the Macguffin, even though the villain was…well, I giggled more than I should have, probably. I think it was because he LOOKED more like a Sherlock Holmes than RDJ ever could.

I approve of the inclusions of Mary and Irene, though I feel that Mary, for all the smallness of her role, complimented the other roles better. Irene had a tinge of a feeling that she didn't quite belong, and perhaps rightly so. I did enjoy her criminal competency, however.

Words can not contain my love for Jude Law in his role as Watson. Spot On, Sir.

You know, people have the gall to claim that the problem with Watson in this movie was that he was too much of an equal to Holmes? Again, I think we've gotten snooty in how we view the characters. Watson was an intelligent, handsome doctor, who only looked dull-minded because he was standing next to Holmes. But in the stories, Holmes does acknowledge at times that Watson is using his intellect and Holmes' methods to good use. Watson may not be able to go theory-for-theory with Holmes--for who can truly keep up with that mind?--but he can hold his own, offer his own insights and experiences, and be side-by-side with Holmes as the solution is reached. Watson is not an equal to Holmes, but a perfect compliment. WHICH HE IS IN THIS MOVIE.

In Conclusion: Please sir, I'd like some more.
ink_n_imp: (Smug bastard)
1) IS ACTUALLY QUITE ENJOYABLE--if you can pretend that is this a story about a chap that just HAPPENS to have the same name as Sherlock Holmes, possesses some of his characteristics, but is other wise AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON REALLY.

You know, sort of like in that Constantine movie.




5) On that note--so good to see that Watson's limp from his bullet wound from Afghanistan DOESN'T STOP HIM FROM KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES.

6) WATSON. KICKS ASS. LITERALLY. I should not have enjoyed that as much as I did BUT OH I DID.

7A) Dear Mary, Watson's fiancee--not very developed at all, however, was able to see the hint of your awesomeness regardless. STILL AMUSED YOU COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT YOU SHARE YOUR HUSBAND WITH HIS HOMOSEXUAL HETEROSEXUAL HOMOSEXUAL HIS LIFE MATE.

7B) Irene. I enjoyed your criminal competence.





12) SHINY, SHINY (...or make that dirty) 1880'S LONDON. WELL DONE.




16) ...So, that preview of the Clash of the Titans remake. WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE ORIGINAL WITH ME? I need some old school god-dickery and stop motion animation, STAT.

17) The soundtrack was to die for. DO WANT.

Now I need to go to bed. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
As it is my want, instead of catching up on my TRAGICALLY BEHIND NaNo word count(BLEH I'LL DO IT TOMORROW /WHINING), I instead FINALLY uploaded the "pilot" episode of an internet review series I came up with, thanks to all the time I've been spending over at That Guy With the Glasses, and the work I've done with Lindsay for her own reviews over there.

The opening blurb explaining the premise?

Agent Anachronism from E.V.E.N. reporting for duty!

For reasons too dark and time-consuming to mention here, it is my job to debrief you on the entertainment and cultural phenomena of the Retro Age (i.e. 1950-1975).

My first mission: A review of the hit 1960's spy show, "The Man from U.N.C.L.E."!

Part One:

Part Two:

So, give them a watch! Feedback--as ever--is appreciated, and is considered to be a vital tool in the fight against the O.D.D.!! ;)

Oh, and OF COURSE, feel FREE to pimp this to everyone and anyone. *WHISTLES INNOCENTLY*, if only NaNo wasn't so difficult to defeat...
ink_n_imp: (ZIM! love)
Waiting in line last night for District 9, I was sandwiched between a group of guys—one of whom was wearing a yellow shirt that read Kirk Spock McCoy Sulu Chekov Uhura Scotty--and a guy and a girl who were playing Scrabble on their iphone. The guy used "Andorian" as a word. All I could think was "this needs a twittering."

My God. What would I have done had I been born before the Age of Fandom?

In regards to Distict 9...I wish I was intelligent enough to give it a review that would do it justice. I don’t even know if I’d want to review it, because I’d probably spoil it, and boy oh boy, for the first time…I really, REALLY don’t want to do that to ANYONE. But whatever that review would be, it would most definitely be sub-titled:

District 9: "Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most...Human"

Oh, fuck it, here’s what thoughts I wrote on the long subway ride from hell back to Queens this morning at 2:30 am. It’s long, rambling, and about as deep as I can get, which is probably quite shallow. Maybe minor spoilers? My movie reviewing rights should be revoked. You have been warned. )

Also last evening, the Hip Obscurity fundraiser was a great success! It was also an insane amount of fun! I had a great time MCing the Trivia portion—that is, I had great fun when I wasn’t battling wits with a shoddy microphone. It was frustrating to no end, though everyone told me afterwards as MC I handled the microphone SNAFU bullshit like a pro.

I suppose being a pro entails dancing around the room like a child on the verge of a temper tantrum hopped up on sugar while violently blaspheming against God, Jesus, his Mother and all the Saints. Whodathunk?

Holy God, am I really only running on 4 hours of sleep?

The problem with going long stretches of time without posting anything to Livejournal is that when you finally get "Hey, I haven't posted to LJ in a long time, I should get on that!" into your head, you can think of absolutely NOTHING of worth to post about.

This is where I add the disclaimer that I went into the theater SERIOUSLY wanting to love this movie. I wanted to walk out the same raving fangirl that walked out of the first one.


Saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and finally figured out what's been bothering me about the lot of them ever since the second movie came out. I still ADORE the first one. Loved a lot of bits in the second movie, but still haven't had the desire to purchase it (unlike when the 1st one came out on DVD…I needed that movie like a zombie needs brains, and purchased it very close to the day it came out). There were even bits of this 3rd one that struck my fancy. But over all, the POTC movies have lost the sparkle in my eye.

The problem I find is that the Powers That Be went and make the pirate world Too Damn Big.

Now, this is probably making some of you scratch your heads, but I shall try to explain.

Pirates are big characters with big personalities; s'what I love about Pirates. Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Henry Morgan, Mary Reade and Anne Bonny (you know, those two ladies of "If you'd have fought like a man you wouldn't be getting hanged like a dog" fame), and the newly minted Jack Sparrow…excuse me, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow; fictional or real, Pirates swashbuckle. Swagger. Yell big things like "AHOY!" and, "AVAST, ME HEARTIES!". They drink large, irresponsible quantities of Rum and other spirits (though mainly rum) and they WENCH, thereby blowing ALL of their money very quickly. They would rather run or fight than get caught and be hanged. Ninjas, alas, never yell, drink (to MY knowledge, though they would probably hold their alcohol very well), OR wench. That is why in the Nella Book o' Awesomeness, Ninjas LOSE, and Pirates WIN. End of story.

(...Although, remind me to recount how my good, but woefully misguided friend and adorer of all things ninja, [ profile] neo_ninja, and I have finally reached a sort of accord when it comes to ninjas and pirates co-inhabiting)

However--this third POTC movie just is lacking the heart of the first POTC. The first POTC was comparably small in scale, if you think about it. A small number of main characters, in a small world (the Caribbean). In my mind, it was well balanced. Then the second movie expanded the horizons, added more characters, more locations. Ok. I still could dig it. But the third movie?

Captain Jack, Barbossa, the rest of the piratey types we've been rooting for--they got lost in the Epic Shuffle that was POTC 3. And pirates shouldn't get lost in ANY shuffle, so to speak. Or sure, they can sashay unnoticed through bar scuffles like Jack does BRILLIANTLY in the second movie. But pirates shouldn't be getting upstaged by horrible epic speeches about--

*pulls out Mel Gibson/Braveheart impression*


Because that's what they tried to make POTC 3--an EPIC, "Band of Brothers We!", "They-can-take-our-lives-but-they'll-never-take-our-Freedom!" sort of movie, lead by Elizabeth Swann (which is ANOTHER rant entirely).

'Twas Epic. 'Twas Do-Or-Die.

But that's not…piratey. And it was just too much, my friends. I was actually BORED by the final movie battle.




I don't get BORED during sea battles! HELL, it could be two guys splashing each other in a bath tub, and I'd be *mind wanders to a smutty place*…wait a minute, that's a bad example. Strike that.

It could be two guys in separate dinghies throwing water balloons at each other with some dramatic camera angles, and I'd dig it. The point is, I yawned at the ZOMG FINAL BATTLE between the Rebels (the Pirates) and The Evil Empire (East India Co). The glorious last stands of pirates should be like the infamous duel of Blackbeard and Lieutenant Maynard, not like the destruction of the second Death Star.

But aside from the FEELING being off, the emphasis on Elizabeth just made my teeth grit. But that's a rant I don't feel like contemplating right now, thank you very much. The short of the long is, I tried to like her, I really did!! But, Gah! But she's been tripping my very-biased-and-finely-honed-in-the-fires-of-fan-fiction Sue-odometer, and in this last movie, she made it go HAYWIRE.

Yes, there were things I loved in this 3rd installment, like the mythology that was created for this piratey, sea-faring world. In fact, sea-mythology FTW. Hell, even the ending for Liz and Will? You know what, that I rather liked. Romantic, bittersweet, AND it kicks the both of them FIRMLY out of the picture (if the ending at the end of the credits suggests ANYTHING, it's that).

But, much like Spiderman 3, I find myself unable to revel in the bits I loved without pulling up terrible, PTSD-like flashbacks to the bits that tore at my SOUL and made me GROWL at the screen.

I hear there's talk of POTC 4, but…the Golden Age of Piracy is dead and gone now.

Oh, and ending note.

*pulls out the best Captain Jack Sparrow impression she's got*

*Looks towards Norrington*

STILL rooting for you, mate.
Well, that was a long and arduous battle against my computer, but for once, 'Nella rides forth victorious!

I've been gnashing my teeth against my computer, trying to get this damned screen shot (hint: it was windows media classics that came in at the 11th hour and saved the day. *heaps the program with laurels!*) You see, I watched "The Madness of King George" today, an absolutely smashing movie that I highly recommend. I've always wanted to give King George the III a hug, he always seemed like a decent enough chap, and this movie only makes me want to hug kings more. I enjoyed it immensely, and recommend it to all.


Not 13 minutes in and I both had already fallen in loved with the movie, and was writhing in pain on the floor to my roommate's great amusement because of it.

Now, there's a WHOLE lot of historical inaccuracy I can overlook for the sake of plot, or for staging ease, or just because the director says "fuck all, it'll look cooler this way"*. I myself like it when things look cooler. The point is I can take historical inaccuracy with a grain of salt, because it's a MOVIE. It's FICTION (even when they are "Based on true events"). The point is to tell a story and that's THAT.

But nothing makes my jaw drop faster, my eyes roll backwards and foam start to come from my mouth than historical inaccuracy due to SHEER LAZINESS. And I know this is a very, very, petty and silly thing, but for ME to notice it within the 1.2 seconds it shows up on the screen makes it a GLARING act of LAZINESS, so glaring that I must take issue.

I ask you my friends. For a movie taking place in 1789, what is wrong with this globe that King George is pointing too?

I'll give you a hint. Jefferson wasn't President yet. And John Quincy Adams wasn't busting Spanish balls for land yet. Oh, and Daniel Webster wasn't busting Canadian balls for land yet as well. Oh hell, just click on the pic and I'll give you a brief history of American ball-busting for land pre-1850. )

I know this 'twas a silly rant, but COME ON. This movie takes place RIGHT AFTER the American Revolution had been won (…make that lost, as this is a movie about King George). You don't go out of your way to draw attention to King George's anger and disappointment over losing the colonies and then bullshit with a globe representing a 1850-ish American geography!!! Shame on you, movie, shame on you and this lack of attention to detail!!!


And the Footnotes of my short rant…er…treatise… )
It has been pouring outside like a girl watching The Notebook. So I've heard, that is. Not like I've seen The Notebook. But it has been raining something fierce down here in Annapolis, so fiercely that field school was cancelled today. There wasn't even any lab work for us sorry archaeological types to work on, as we FINISHED rebagging all that needed to be rebagged on Monday, thanks to the rain. Be-jeezus. So, day off, which I spend in D.C., exploring the new Museum of the American Indian, which has good ethnographic video interviews, but the displays are information-overload confusing as shit. Eesh, the way that the exhibits melted into each one should have to think to themself, "Now I KNOW the plains indians didn't have dugout canoes...oh Wait! We're at the Northwestern tribes now. Right."

BUT the building is gorgeous and the outside is very nicely designed (what with them artisically "recreating" patches of American wilderness, like ponds and a waterfall, including a row of corn, squash and tobacco. I should have plucked a few leaves), and over all, it was an interesting visit. Everyone give a big "Awwww" at the Smithsonian's attempt to begrudingly barter forgiveness for centuries of giving American Indian tribes the big "FUCK YOU, DIE already so we can really treat you like an extinct species of subhuman and hoard your cultural artifacts in our ginormous, Smithsonian attic o' stuff."


Anyway, if it's still raining tomorrow and field school is cancelled again, OR we are reduced to lab work again, I may have to fall back on my old smacking bitches to pass the time. Up til now I've been introducing myself to Deadwood (oh, I'll be coming back to that in a sec), been introducing Firefly to my uncle, and have been rereading lots of Wodehouse in the attempt to strengthen my Bertie voice, so's that I can write a *gasp of shock* fan fic.


But yea, Deadwood:


Well, that's my update for now. I best be getting back to watching Firefly now.

Yummmmmmm.....delicious Firefly
It's a very, very, very rare occasion when my mother finds a movie that she actually wants to see in the theater. So, imagine my surprise when she told me to look up the times for "The Brother's Grimm". And imagine my double surprise when my whole family actaully came for a ride. The stars must of aligned or something, but we all went to see it.

The sum of all this, I shall say upfront, is that we had a good time. We all had a good laugh and gawked at some amazing visual effects, but now that we've returned and come off the "gee, that wasn't so bad, it was entertaining" high, I thought I'd put in my two cents about Gilliam's latest film.

Not as bad as you would think, but leaves much to be desired )

Well, that's all I can think of at this point. Over all--see it! Catch a matinee, go with a friend, have a good laugh and a good groan at the Brothers Grimm's expense. But it's a movie that is not really a repeat, and a buyer if MAYBE you get it for 5 bucks from Best Buy.


Jun. 17th, 2005 11:29 am
Well, I have finally posted my first review on [ profile] marysues. Go check it out! If you love Star Wars, hate bad writing, and want to maim fan girls, this is the review for you!
Or, I'm geeking out over here!

Back when there was a movie theater in the Smithhaven Mall, and when the price of a matinee ticket was still less than $5 (In Fact, I think I only paid $4.25), and, if my memory is not complete shit, this would have been around '97. More or less. It must have been for I was still a measly middle schooler...

BUT back WHEN all of these were true, I saw "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" for the first time in Smithhaven mall theater. I had seen bits of "A New Hope" on TV. I had devoured the single bound, 3 book novelization in a single week at Disney World. I had ridden on the Star Wars ride at Disney's MGM park more times than I could recall. And on that day, I got my first taste of Star Wars.

I admit I was hooked. I watched Return of the Jedi on TV and tried to get my hands on as many Star Wars novels as I could. I drooled over the Star Wars Visual Dictionaries. I read pithy, rather confusing books chronicling the adventures of Luke, Leia and Han after RotJ. I even read the "Young Jedi Knights" series.

Hence why "Revenge of the Sith" was so FUCKING frustrating.

Now, most movies would KILL for a plot like the one in Episode 3. Even though I (and every other mother's son) knew how it had to end, I was dying to see how it would go down. I'm all for elaborate fight scenes. I heart them. Two crazy jedi's duking it out over molten lava? BOO YEA! So in that regard, I was deliriously pleased.

BUT...I was also FRUSTRATED out of my MIND, and from the moment the word "WAR!" appeared at the beginning of the movie. (Which got a LOT of half-groans, half snickers from our geek audience).

The problem my friends, was that the dialogue was so forced.


Ok, now that I've gotten the word play out of my system, I'm serious. Hayden and the gang must have crawled into their trailers with each rewrite they got so that they could drown their woes. With such winners as "Your breaking my HEART Ani!" and "Hold me like you did on the lakes of" etc etc, CAMPY was not the problem. CAMPY was Obi-Wan, and I heart my Obi-Wan, and someone needed to be Han-ish. No, my friends, the PROBLEM is that, in the words of my esteemed former roommate [ profile] singealiene, whoever wrote the dialogue must have been exiled from all human contact for the last 30 years. Only feasible explain for how SOMEONE could think that that CRAP was a good idea.

Oh, and only last thing...LOST the fucking WILL to LIVE? What pregnant woman DOES THAT? How the FUCK did Padme become so FUCKING PASSIVE? And how is that the kick-your-ass-and-fly-a-ship-and-smuggle-enemy-plans-and-shoot-your-sorry-ass-while-I'm-at-it-bitch Leia came from the womb of such a SIMPERING GIRL?!? Who's with me on this, that Padme couldn't have gotten ANY MORE BORING?


But my friends, good has come from this frustrating darkness. This weekend, [ profile] singealiene, [ profile] muneybags6 and I gathered around the DVD player and watched Episodes 4-6.

And they were GLORIOUS.

Thank you Episode 3. Because you frustrated me SOOOOO much, I have rediscovered the magic and the sheer JOY of the original movies. The characters, the dialogue, the plot, the mythology...even though you pained me, Episode 3, you some how STILL managed to make these 3 RICHER. Darth Vader became THAT much more bad ass. Luke and Leia became THAT much more deeper. Obi-Wan's twinkle in his eye meant something WONDROUS! And Han became a welcome, long, refreshing, campy and sexy drink of cold water after crawling through the desert.

Episodes 1-3, dare I say it, were not for naught.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I still have some Star Wars novels upstairs in my room.
Watch Hotel Rwanda and Schindler's List in the same day.

Note 1: Hotel Rwanda makes me wish for a real Team America World Police. I mean, UN peeps: when you go into a country as "peace keepers" and know that you can't actuslly shot people, doesn't it make you think "gee, if shit goes down we can't shoot people!", and then, don't you think "gee WHIZ! I wonder if those people waving guns and manchetes know that we can't shot them"

And then, the people rioting and waving guns and machetes think "Wait, they can't shot us--why are we only waving our guns and machetes?"


Note 2: Aside from the nature of the movie, Schindler's List is really rather....funny. In a wickedly evil way. Wickedly. Wickedly. Wickedly. It doesn't feel right for it to have so many funny bits. I mean, the scene where the hinge maker is taken out back to be shot, but all the guns malfunction, and the guy is just KNEELING there, flinching at each pull?


Yes, but I'm definately going to be contemplating life for a completely of days now.
I have an Italian oral exam tomorrow. And I am fucked. Again. I'm RIGHT at that point of studying where I MIGHT know it, and I MIGHT not fuck up on the test. IF somehow all this information in my head manages to stay in one place and not leave on holiday just when I need it.


On that note, I saw Constantine. And I really liked it. Similiar to the comic only in names. There just HAPPENS to be an chainsmoking excorsit in LA with the same name as some chain smoking blonde punk wannabe mage dude in england, and that's who the movie's about. And...dare I say it...I LIKE KEANU REEVES IN THIS MOVIE.


I donno, he does the demon hunting, cancer dying, taking-on-demons-and-trying-to-get-into-heaven-is-all-in-a-day's-work shtick BEAUTIFULLY. You know when he says a line with such intensity it HURTS? (for example, the trailer to "a scanner darkly" his new movie...when he says "The two halves of my brian are FIGHTING?" you shudder as only a keanu delivered line can make you shudder) Well, guess what...those moments are NEARLY NON EXISTANT in this movie!!!!

AND he's set back the anti tobacco movement by 30 years, he makes smoking look THAT bad ass again.

AND he's reintroduced the black pants/tie/jacket white shirt combo as a sex symbol. Personally...i think it was all the tie.

Damn that tie.

And on that note, the fangirls are going to be ALL over this movie, cause you can slash him with every single male/androygenous character. The girl in the movie didn't have a chance. There's already a section at ff.n for the movie.

On that note...time to go back to being fucked.

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