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ink_n_impSomeone asked over at the STXI anon-meme asked for a Jeeves/Spock story (GOD, could you IMAGINE the eyebrow wars? Hell, even McCoy could jump in and try to hold his own, McCoy’s got a hellava eyebrow himself there…) but all I could imagine was Jeeves and Wooster...crewing the USS Enterprise.
CAPTAIN!BERTIE!: I say, Jeeves, is this thing on? Oh, good, right-o. Captain’s Log, star date 22…er…I say, Jeeves? How do these bally star dates work again? Well, that doesn’t make much sense, does it? I mean to say, good lord, could Starfleet have made them more confusing, what?
Oh, right, um, Space! The final whatsit. These are journeys of the Starship Enterprise--
CAPTAIN!BERTIE: I say, Jeeves, it's a whatsit.
FIRSTOFFICER!JEEVES: ...Sir?
C!BERTIE: You know, a thingamagummy. What's the word, you know, when something isn't what its' suppose to be?
FO!JEEVES: I believe the word you are looking for is "anomaly", sir.
C!BERTIE: That's the ticket! Anomaly. Dashed useful word, that. Gets right to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it, Jeeves?
DOCTOR!GLOSSUP: *enters, fuming* What is the meaning of all this, Wooster!?
C!BERTIE: What ho, Glossup old bean! Seems we've come across an anolomy. Can't figure out what the deuce it is though. Don't suppose you have any ideas?
DOCTOR!GLOSSUP: *haughty eyebrow of doom* Captain Wooster, I am a doctor, NOT a quantum physicist.
FO!JEEVES: *coughing gently like a sheep on a pastoral hill on Rigel 7* I believe it is a lightening storm in space, sir, cause by the sudden creation of a black hole, a singular phenomena that--
C!BERTIE: Jeeves!
FO!JEEVES: Yes, sir?
C!BERTIE: Now, usually I'm all for that sciencey stuff.
FO!JEEVES: Indeed, sir.
C!BERTIE: But there's some sort of bally squid-like nightmare coming out of that anoma-agummy--
FO!JEEVES: Yes, it does put one in mind of the works of HP Lovecraft, and his creation of the monstrous creature known as Chuthlu—
*ALARMS GO OFF!*
LIEUTENANT!BINGO: I say, Bertie! They're firing on us!
C!BERTIE: Good lord, really?
FO!JEEVES: Sir, if I might recommend red alert, and evasive maneuvers?
C!BERTIE: Now, see here, Jeeves, I'm all for the proper feudal spirit but I'm the captain here and I'll give the--RED ALERT! EVASIVE MANUEVERS! AND THROW UP THOSE BALLY SHIELDS!
....AND SO ON. AND SO ON. OH GOD IT'S WRITING ITSELF.
CAPTAIN!BERTIE!: I say, Jeeves, is this thing on? Oh, good, right-o. Captain’s Log, star date 22…er…I say, Jeeves? How do these bally star dates work again? Well, that doesn’t make much sense, does it? I mean to say, good lord, could Starfleet have made them more confusing, what?
Oh, right, um, Space! The final whatsit. These are journeys of the Starship Enterprise--
CAPTAIN!BERTIE: I say, Jeeves, it's a whatsit.
FIRSTOFFICER!JEEVES: ...Sir?
C!BERTIE: You know, a thingamagummy. What's the word, you know, when something isn't what its' suppose to be?
FO!JEEVES: I believe the word you are looking for is "anomaly", sir.
C!BERTIE: That's the ticket! Anomaly. Dashed useful word, that. Gets right to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it, Jeeves?
DOCTOR!GLOSSUP: *enters, fuming* What is the meaning of all this, Wooster!?
C!BERTIE: What ho, Glossup old bean! Seems we've come across an anolomy. Can't figure out what the deuce it is though. Don't suppose you have any ideas?
DOCTOR!GLOSSUP: *haughty eyebrow of doom* Captain Wooster, I am a doctor, NOT a quantum physicist.
FO!JEEVES: *coughing gently like a sheep on a pastoral hill on Rigel 7* I believe it is a lightening storm in space, sir, cause by the sudden creation of a black hole, a singular phenomena that--
C!BERTIE: Jeeves!
FO!JEEVES: Yes, sir?
C!BERTIE: Now, usually I'm all for that sciencey stuff.
FO!JEEVES: Indeed, sir.
C!BERTIE: But there's some sort of bally squid-like nightmare coming out of that anoma-agummy--
FO!JEEVES: Yes, it does put one in mind of the works of HP Lovecraft, and his creation of the monstrous creature known as Chuthlu—
*ALARMS GO OFF!*
LIEUTENANT!BINGO: I say, Bertie! They're firing on us!
C!BERTIE: Good lord, really?
FO!JEEVES: Sir, if I might recommend red alert, and evasive maneuvers?
C!BERTIE: Now, see here, Jeeves, I'm all for the proper feudal spirit but I'm the captain here and I'll give the--RED ALERT! EVASIVE MANUEVERS! AND THROW UP THOSE BALLY SHIELDS!
....AND SO ON. AND SO ON. OH GOD IT'S WRITING ITSELF.
