Oh, COLD WAR.

[ink_n_imp]

Sometimes, I don't know HOW humanity escaped the Cold War in one piece. Well, maybe not entirely one piece. Yes, I AM looking at you, CIA. But enough of a whole piece that now people look back on that time and think "Pfft, that was IT?"

But all seriousness aside, think of all the LULZ we'd be missing had we not had that without that Iron Curtain of Fear and Dread! (…anyone else get a mental image of Russia and America shopping for home décor? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)

Take this palm-sized pamphlet my Lady Boss yoinked from the Archivist upstairs for example.





Here we have a perfect example of what to do in a disaster, even when things probably will have gone to Hell in such a fast car you might as well use this handy pamphlet to cry into, or something.

"Protection against atomic weapons is basically the same as protection against high-explosive weapons."

Except for the whole "fallout" and "radiation poisoning" bit. But other than that it's EXACTLY the same!


"The atomic blast is only one part of the enemy's plan."

Enemy Leader: Excellent, my comrades! "Operation: America, FUCK YOU!" is a success! Now to part 2 of our—
Enemy Dude 1: Ahem.
Enemy Leader: Yes, comrade?
Enemy Dude 1: Well, comrade leader…there isn't actually a part 2 of the plan.
Enemy Leader: What?
Enemy Dude 1: Well, we never thought beyond the "blowing those Capitalist Western dogs to a non-existent hell" part. I mean, we HAVE just blown them to non-existent hell. Anything more would just seem like…overkill.
Enemy Leader: You're joking.
Enemy Dude 1: Comrade, I don't get paid to joke. In fact, I don't get paid for anything. I especially don't get paid to come up with part 2's of ANY plans.



I greatly enjoy the repeats of "STOP BREATHING" and "CONTINUE MISSION". One can't help but feel that if you have to hold your breath long enough to slap a mask on and/or decontaminate oneself, just turn over, man. YOU'RE DONE. If the chemical/radiation/biological burns/infections/hideous pain don't get you, don't worry! The cancer certainly will.


So remember kiddos! If Indiana Jones can survive thanks to a lead-lined refrigerator, SO CAN YOU!

5th movie: Indiana Jones and the Leukemia of Death?

Comments

[wheres-walnut.livejournal.com]

If there is a manual on how to be a red shirt, I'm sure you've found it.

I don't know if you watch 'Mad Men' but this reminds me of just about every episode. Every three seconds you stop, gasp and think 'THEY REALLY DID THAT BACK THEN? THIS IS APPALLING."

CONTINUE THE MISSION AT ALL COSTS.

[ink-n-imp.livejournal.com]

PFFT, if there isn't I'll WRITE the damn thing. "So You Want to Join Starfleet Operations..."

Mad Men is a show I DESPERATELY need to start watching. TRU FAX. Haven't seen any of it, but I've a feeling that me and it are going to get along JUST FINE.

I think I'm just going to have to end all of my statements now with "Continue the Mission".

Random Person: Hey Nella, how you doing?
Me: Continuing the Mission
RP: That's nice, want to go see a movie later?
Me: Sure, then we'll Continue the Mission.
RP: ...O-kay. Wanna hang out afterward?
Me:...Will it Continue the Mission?
RP:...you know what? Never mind.
Me: CONTINUE THE MISSION.

[wheres-walnut.livejournal.com]

ha! I'd love to read it just because I love your sense of humor. That's too much effort for the lolz though.

I've been putting it off all summer because I've been watching Dexter and Breaking Bad non stop. I finally gave it a go last week. 1st episode didn't get me... but the 'cultural' similarities between time periods TOTALLY GOT ME. I LOVE HISTORICAL SHOWS. Carnivale! Come back!

I feel like some sort of really good game could come out of 'Continue the Mission'. Not quite like a staring contest.... but close.

[innocentsmith.livejournal.com]

This is completely hilarifying. My favorite bit is the start of Atomic Burst: If you see BRILLIANT LIGHT brighter than sunlight...

Perhaps having a sense of purpose will make those last few seconds before your INEVITABLE DEATH a little easier?

[ink-n-imp.livejournal.com]

OH GOD YES. And the "DIVE FAST".

Hey, whatever makes you sleep easier at night. Or, die quickly easier. Whichever.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

Heheheheheheh. Sometimes I seriously wonder how we haven't managed to blow up the world/kill ourselves off a thousand times before we've even got to this point. That to me is probably one of the most compelling point for some higher up intervention.

[sarahsez00.livejournal.com]

I can totally remember pre-end of the Cold War, like in 1st grade, we were all pretty sure the commies weren't going to try to nuke us but we still had to practice hiding under desks. And post-end of the Cold War I used to wonder why there were still fire drills but not hiding under the desk drills. Sadly, I didn't connect the dots until years later.